"I Shall Be Whole"  Copyright by Al Young. All Rights Reserved. Courtesy of Al Young Studios http://alyoung.com
“I Shall Be Whole”
Copyright by Al Young. All Rights Reserved. Courtesy of Al Young Studios.  http://alyoung.com

This morning, I was reading in Matthew 9 about the hemorrhaging woman who touched the fringe of Jesus’ cloak and had Him turn to her and proclaim that through her faith, she was healed.  Being a woman who occasionally finds value in engaging the imagination in contemplative practices, I took the opportunity to put myself into the scene.
I am a woman who senses very little of her own “need.”  I am physically healthy (to my knowledge).  Delight comes easy to my heart and my natural view tends to be optimistic, hopeful and encouraged with regards to my own life.   However, where I get tripped up is when it comes to others.  I quickly feel powerless, helpless and anxious when it comes to what is happening in the lives of those I love.  I cannot graft my own hope or optimism into another person’s soul, and I have to wrestle with trusting and surrendering myself to what God is doing in the life of someone else.  I was in that place this morning in my time of contemplation.  I could see myself reaching for just the fringe of Jesus’ cloak, not on my behalf but on behalf of someone dear to me.  On my loved one’s behalf, I reached to God for rescue and healing, knowing and believing that God could meet the need in this person’s life.  I expected Jesus to turn to me and promise to heal my loved one’s heart and circumstances.  That’s what I was reaching to Him for… but instead, I could see Him turn and look into ME.  He looked past the need I thought I was bringing before Him and just turned to look upon me with love and compassion.  I didn’t hear him proclaim that my faith would “fix” the situation. The need I was presenting to Him was not even addressed; instead, He turned and His eyes looked into ME, simply reassuring me of the love and compassion He has for me.  His eyes communicated empathy for my helplessness.  I felt seen.
As my eyes welled with emotion, I knew that there must have been a deeper need in me in that moment that only He would know to meet.  I thought I needed reassurance of His trustworthiness in the life and circumstances of my loved one.  That felt like the bigger, more pressing need (and it is a very real burden in my own soul).  But Jesus looked past that and simply looked into me and loved me.
I don’t have answers and I still sit with the burden of circumstances I share with my friend.  But I am loved.  I am seen.  And for today, that is enough.

7 comments on “When I Touch the Fringe of His Cloak”

  1. Oh Cassie. What a beautiful and true picture you’ve painted with your words. Thank you for taking the time to wait for this image, and thank you for sharing it with us. I’m praying and trusting God to work in and encourage your friend, just as he is with you.

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